Dear Apple Cheeks,

I watch as the clock strikes the magical hour....it is 11:23 A.M., and I scoop you up in my arms and sing a Happy Birthday song.

I knew this day would come. I mean, I MUST have known, right? That day, three years ago, when we locked eyes for the first time, when I felt the heat of your body against mine and looked into the face of brand-new life....surely I knew! But that day felt like a promise...it felt like we had forever ahead of us. Then somehow, all of those middle-of-the-night feedings and exhausted days that seemed like they would never end....did. They slowly turned into crawling, first words and first steps, temper tantrums and time-outs. And now here we are...you and I, with three whole years under our belts. The tiny baby in the newborn onesie, replaced by a vibrant three year old in a princess dress, ready to take on the world.

This birthday feels different. The first one felt like victory...I had made it through the sleepless nights and endless feedings! Year two felt like relief...we made it through the "terrible two's" in one piece! Year three feels like a brick to the chest....my baby is growing up. I am keenly aware of this as I spin you around the kitchen, singing a birthday song just for you. I think about it as I comb the tangles from your hair, pour your juice, make your favorite pancake dinner. And tonight as I snuggle close to you and feel your heart beat against mine, I will breathe the reality as I fall asleep...my daughter is growing up.

They say that time flies, but to me it feels more like a boulder crashing down a mountain, gaining momentum as it descends. Trying to stop it is futile, slowing it down impossible. Somewhere along the way, amidst the exciting flurry of all the childhood "firsts", a lot of "lasts" began stacking up as well. Last bottle, last night in the crib, last midnight wake-up call for a feeding. You say "spaghetti", instead of "basghetti", and my heart simultaneously swells with pride as it shatters into pieces. And I realize that THIS is motherhood...this series of conflicting emotions that cannot be contained in words. Happiness? Yes! Fear? Definitely. Love? Absolutely! But yet it is so much more than all of that. It is every emotion rolled into one, and I ride the wave of it, just trying to stay afloat. And I know that it is all blessing, all grace...that being a mother is a gift even on the hard days; that watching you grow is witnessing a beautiful story unfold.

So my prayer is this...that I WATCH. STOP. STARE. WRITE. PHOTOGRAPH. LOVE. ENJOY. That I remain aware of the crashing boulder of time, and that instead of standing still and trying to slow it down, that I roll along with it, collecting beautiful moments and memories as we go. I can't stop time; I can only relish the time we have left. May it be long.

So Happy Birthday sweet Addison...I can't wait to watch your third year unfold.

Love,
Mama