Yesterday I turned 32 years old. Currently, the two of you are barely eight, and barely two. It seems crazy that we all share a birthday within about two weeks of one another. It makes for a busy holiday season, for sure, but I wouldn't have it any other way :). We celebrated my birthday at your granny and papa's house. Your granny made lasagna, salad, and rolls, and ordered my absolute favorite dessert...dulce de leche cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory. It was a wonderful day, and I loved having the two of you to sit with me as I blew out 32 candles this year.

 

 

 

 

I remember turning thirty. It was three days after you were born, Addison, and maybe it was just my crashing post-partum hormones, but I thought it was sad that I would no longer be able to say that I was in my twenties. Little did I know, these would turn out to be the best years of my life so far. My mother always told me that, but I never understood. Until now. Now I realize why your thirties are your best years...in my thirties, I feel more settled. Not in a "content and bored with life" kind of way, but more like a "happy with who God created me to be" kind of way ;). I feel less worried about what others think, and more concerned with how I treat my family, strangers, and whether or not my actions are pleasing to God. To sum up my thirties in a nutshell, I would guess that they will be all about realizing what matters, and what doesn't...what I want to focus on, and what I will let go of.

 

I thought I would write a little summary of some things I have learned so far in my thirty-two years. Girls, I have SO much to learn. I am ever-evolving, always looking to God to see what I need to change in my own life, so please know that at 32, your mother did NOT have it all figured out. Some days, I am a wandering mess, searching for answers and direction, just like every other mother. And that is ok. The important thing is that I WANT to be better, and that I see the need to work on myself, from the inside-out. My sweet daughters, my greatest desire is to be the mother that you both deserve. I want to be present in your lives, to play with you, laugh with you, but to teach you the things you need to know...even if that sometimes means being stern. One day, the three of us will be the best of friends. We will bake together, shop together, sit and reminisce about your childhoods together. But for now, I am your mother. The Lord has entrusted each of you to my care. What a wonderful, yet sometimes daunting responsibilty!! I will not take it lightly, I promise :). My two little apple cheeked girls, this is a list of some things I have learned that I want you to carry with you. I want you to look at this list when you are older, and remember that your mother has been there, and that you are not alone with whatever you are faced. So, here goes ;)...

 

 

* Perhaps the most valuable lesson I have learned is that there are more important things in this world than worrying about yourself, and what people think of you. Stressing out over a messy house, not having it all together, people not liking you or what you do, (in my case) whose photography is best or who is copying who, who has nicer "things", who is a better mom, etc...is POINTLESS and DESTRUCTIVE. I have learned to let it go. Yes, things still hurt my feelings. I get mad, irritated, sad, just like any other human being, but it is my CHOICE to deal with it like the woman God wants me to be. Let the negative roll off your back, girls. It is ok if someone does not like you...imagine that, haha!!! Yes, it is ok. You will have more love in your lives than you know what to do with, so focus on that blessing, and forget the rest. There are people out there who are sick. Their children are sick. They have been given terminal diagnoses, and I can promise you that they do not look back on their lives and think, "Gee, I wish I had spent a little more time worrying about who is talking about me behind my back. I should have stressed out a little more about having the perfect house", etc. Enjoy the lives and love you have been given, and take anything that is hurtful to the Lord. Be honest with Him and tell Him EXACTLY how you feel, and He WILL help you deal with your emotions :).

 

* Happiness is a decision you make. It is a CHOICE to be either grateful for what you have, or whine that you want more, more, more. What we have been given is ALWAYS enough. Choosing to be thankful and grateful in all circumstances(I know it can be hard!!!), will bring you joy. Thank God in the good times and the bad.

 

* Do not be cruel to others in the name of "being honest". It is NEVER ok to be hurtful to someone, even if you feel it is the truth. I see so many women make statements(excuses), for themselves, such as..."I can't help it. I just tell it like it is". Or, " I am just being honest". Girls, this is not ok. The truth should always be shared in a spirit of love, not cruelty!

 

* Respect yourself. Oh, girls...this one can be SO HARD!! It is really a matter of self-esteem, and realizing your worth. It is OK(I promise), to walk away from something or someone that is destructive to you. You should always, always, always try and make amends, but some people just do not let up. They will continue to try and destroy you no matter what you do, and if this is the case...WALK. AWAY. The Bible does not tell us that we must be friends with everyone, we must only treat them with kindness. If you are involved in an activity that ends up not being what you had hoped for...maybe it ends up taking away from you, rather than helping you grow...WALK. AWAY. If you have a friend or boyfriend that steals your joy...WALK. AWAY. It will be hard at first, you may miss them and love them very much, but God has much more in store for you than you could have imagined. LET. GO. WALK. AWAY!

 

* Learn to say "I'm sorry". Remember earlier, when I was telling you how I do not have all of this figured out? Yep...sometimes I say hurtful or harsh words. Sometimes I raise my voice when I shouldn't. Sometimes I am down-right ugly. But aren't we all? We are all sinners, all imperfect beings; and although it is not ok to do these things, we must learn the humility to apologize when we have wronged someone, even our children. I hope that you remember a mother that would lower herself enough to get on your level and say "I'm sorry", when the punishment didn't fit the crime...when maybe she yelled too loudly or said something she wishes she hadn't. Sometimes saying you are sorry can be very hard to do...but it ALWAYS the right thing :).

 

* Never try to "one-up" other women. In conversations with your girlfriends and aquaintances, LISTEN to what they have to say...don't automatically try to think of what you can say next to try and show them you are better than they are. That is never ok. Life is not a competition, and you will be happier the MOMENT that you realize that...trust me :).

 

* Speak the truth, even if your voice shakes. Remember when I said to tell the truth in a spirit of kindness? Always. But remember that it IS ok to speak the truth, especially when it involves sticking up for something you believe in. Telling the truth can be scary!! Sometimes it means severing a relationship, losing contact with someone you care about...but nothing can replace the fact that you have been true to yourself. You cannot be a fence-straddler. Decide what you believe in, and stand firm!!

 

* "Be sure to taste your words before you spit them out". Bitter words are hurtful...just imagine how they would taste in your mouth :(. If you wouldn't want to taste those words, girls, then DO NOT say them out loud. Take your thoughts and feeling to God in prayer.

 

* Luke 6:45 Her mouth speaks from that which fills her heart. ~ Oh. Really, God? Because sometimes I say ugly things :(. But, yes, when we say cruel, mean, bitter things, it is a reflection of the part of us that is ugly on the inside. If you find yourself speaking negatively all the time, please realize it is time to figure out why. You can only cure this by reading your Bibles, praying for God to help you, and working to change yourself. If you find that someone you knows has this problem, realize that they have a "heart issue", and it has NOTHING to do with you, and lift them up in prayer. Praying for your enemies is hard, SO hard, but it is the right thing to do. And trust me, girls, I have to remind myself of this daily!

 

* You know all those wonderful things that you want to do?? All those secret dreams you keep hidden in your heart, because you are afraid you will fail?? You should GO DO THEM :). I know it sounds cliche, but really, the sky is the limit for the two of you. You can be what you want to be, do what you want to do, go where you want to go...just make sure that it lines up with your values, and then go for it!!! I NEVER thought that I could be a photographer...I always had excuses, even when people told me I would be great at it. I didn't want to step on people's toes...I had friends that were photographers. I am more of an introvert. I didn't think I would be "good enough". But then a sweet friend (Whitney), gave me the courage to just give it a try. And I haven't looked back!! I love photography so much, and feel happy knowing that I am not wasting a passion that God planted in my heart. The desires of your heart are put there by God for a reason...just make sure that you never use it to take away from Him, and use it the way He intended :).

 

* The world has the potential to make you hard. Bitter. Angry. Have you ever met someone with that kind of mentality? It is almost painful to be around them, because the negativity weighs you down. Girls, you will both have bad things happen to you. I wish I could say that it wasn't so, but the truth is, we ALL face heartache, hurt, loss, and sadness. Please choose to not let it make you bitter. Stay soft, even when the world is hard. Stay soft to other people's feelings, their hurts. Stay soft to your own emotions. Do not steel yourself against hurt or pain. We have those emotions for a reason, and feeling them is what makes life so beautiful. You truly DO have to be able to feel the negative in order to enjoy the wonderful.

 

* Isaiah 66:9 ~ I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born, says the Lord. ~ I have lived this scripture out, flesh and blood, in my own life. I have been through enough pain and loss to know that this is true. The faithfulness of God, and the beauty of His redeeming love cannot be measured. If He says it, you better believe it is true. Hold this verse close to your hearts girls; it will help you through the darkest of times.

 

* Learn to ignore things. If something is not right, lovely, true, DO NOT dwell on it!!! Let it go, and focus on the good. I promise that this will bring you peace ;).

 

* Find time to be creative. It doesn't matter what type of art brings you happiness...you don't even have to be good at it ;). Just find joy in making something of your very own. Don't try to be someone you are not...come up with your own vision, and make it come to fruition....you will be so happy when you see your imagination create something beautiful!

 

* Don't take yourself too seriously. Learn to laugh at yourself, and the silly things you do :). Nobody expects you to be perfect...sometimes you might say something or do something that makes you feel dumb. We all do...trust me ;). Just ask me about some of my most embarassing moments...I MIGHT tell you one day, hehe. Laugh it off and enjoy the ride :).

 

* When you have had a terrible day, nothing is going right, and you feel like throwing in the towel...there is nothing that a long, hot bubble bath and a little bit of chocolate can't fix ;). Bubbles, candles, and chocolate could probably solve most of the world's problems, haha ;).

 

* Remember this if nothing else: when someone makes you feel small, when they belittle you, talk about you, or try to take away from you....always remember to tell yourself this. "I am of GREAT worth. I am loved enough that someone died for me, and my face was one of the last things on his mind as he laid down his life". Girls, let this be your mantra!!! I am preaching to the choir here...I have to remind myself of this all the time, so don't worry if you have to tell yourself this over and over :).

 

I am a picture of imperfection. A woman that has loved much and hurt much. A woman with a million lessons to learn, some repeatedly until my stubborn heart finally receives what is being taught to me. But I am also a woman who tries. HARD. I want to be better...a better wife, mother, person. Sometimes I am selfish. I get wrapped up in my own selfish ambitions and desires...but then I look into your faces, and I know that my biggest accomplishment will be if the two of you are able to look back on our relationship and say, "I felt loved. My mother always gave her very best. My mother put us first." I know that I have the most wonderful example in my own mother, a mother who has layed on her face praying for me many nights...more times than I will ever know. I just hope I can live her example, and I hope I will learn a thousand more lessons in the coming year. I can't wait to see what this next year brings :). I love you, my two Apple Cheeks ;)!!

 

Love,

Mama